Compulsive sexual behavior (also known as sex addiction) is an unhealthy preoccupation with sexual thoughts, fantasies, urges, and behaviors. You experience these behaviors as difficult to control, you experience distress about them, and/or they negatively impact your ability to function in significant areas of your life (in your intimate relationships or your work/school performance).
Activities that are enjoyable for some people (masturbation, cybersex, occasional viewing of pornography, multiple sex partners, BDSM activities) become a major focus in the lives of sex addicts. They’re experienced as out of your control and are disruptive and harmful to yourself and others. They may be considered compulsive sexual behaviors.
Sex addiction takes an enormous toll on your self-esteem, self-respect, significant relationships, and career/achievements. Hobbies/activities that you used to enjoy somehow fall by the wayside. Duplicity in your primary relationship affects your ability to build and sustain a satisfying long-term relationship with an intimate partner. Continued sexual acting out may change the landscape of your “arousal template” so that only deviant sex turns you on. You may not be as available to your children as you would like to be. Some sex addicts compulsively spend large sums of money on paid porn sites, professional dominatrixes, or paid escorts—money that could be spent on the upkeep and well-being of your family. Certain sexual behaviors are illegal (such as exhibitionism or pedophilia) and may result in problems with the law.
When to Get Help
Indications that you may be suffering from compulsive sexual behaviors (CSB) include:
- You have continuous and intense sexual urges, thoughts, fantasies, and behaviors that take up a disproportionate amount of your time and that you experience as being out of your control.
- You feel compelled to engage in certain sexual behaviors which temporarily provide relief but about which you feel guilt/shame/regret.
- You’ve been unsuccessful in stopping or curtailing problematic sexual behaviors despite significant negative consequences.
- You “self-medicate” unwanted negative internal experiences such as depression, anxiety, or loneliness with compulsive sexual behaviors.
- It’s difficult for you to establish and maintain stable, satisfying relationships.
Compulsive sexual behaviors tend to escalate over time, so try to seek help when you ask yourself these questions:
- Can you manage your sexual urges and impulses?
- Are you distressed about your sexual fantasies and behaviors?
- Is your sexual behavior hurting yourself or your relationships?
- Are you ashamed of your sexual fantasies and behaviors? Do you often think “What if they found out?”
There is hope
Especially since the advent of the Internet only 30 years ago, hundreds of thousands of individuals have sought and received help to get free from compulsive sexual behaviors. You are not alone.