Abstinence is not the same as recovery. The decision to stop acting out sexually must come from a place of optimism about the possibilities of change and not from a place of defeat and fatalistic resignation.
Making a commitment to a sex addiction recovery program requires that you make a CHOICE about how view your future. You can CHOOSE a better life, but it takes commitment and hard work. Sex addiction recovery requires that you engage in certain critical activities such as:
- Confronting and challenging denial, justification and minimalization;
- Resolving ambivalence about change by doing a “cost/benefit analysis” of your sexual behaviors;
- Challenging maladaptive, unhelpful core beliefs;
- Establishing and committing to core values;
- Learning to stop compulsive behaviors with relapse prevention skills;
- Identifying triggers (both internal and external) and developing coping strategies to deal with them;
- Identifying and developing positive sexuality congruent with your values and goals;
- Connecting with others in a sex addiction recovery community;
- Instigating essential lifestyle changes;
- Mending core relationships and entering couples counseling if indicated;
- Reducing shame in the context of a relationship with a sex addiction therapist;
- Exploring resistances to emotional/physical intimacy;
- Resolving trauma stemming from dysfunctional relationships with early-life caretakers;
- Establishing and committing to realistic, measurable goals for your sex addiction recovery and for your life;
- Establishing healthy pursuits and past times;
- Learning to manage urges and craving to regulate emotions;
- Understanding the components of your own particular addiction cycle and developing strategies to exit out of each phase.
- Getting help in treating underlying psychological problems such as depression, generalized anxiety, personality disorders such as narcissism and attachment issues.
In concert with the above tasks, in-depth working threw of childhood trauma must be accomplished with the guidance of a sex addiction therapist. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and medication can help in the initial phases of sex addiction recovery. But your therapist should be trained or experienced in psychodynamic therapy designed to resolve unconscious conflicts from childhood.
In order for any addiction to be eliminated permanently, baggage from our early childhood experiences must be addressed and put to bed. It is likely that anyone with a sexual compulsion problem will have received unhealthy messages from caretakers about how to regulate their emotions and satisfy their deepest needs in an affirming manner.
Messages from early-life relationships about how to love and be loved may have been distorted. A critical parent may have inculcated a sense of shame and unworthiness in the mind of a potential sex addict. A significant number of sex addicts have suffered from sexual or physical abuse and these traumas need to be addressed and worked through so the past no longer impacts current functioning.
Sex addiction recovery is a life-long journey of beating triggers, maintaining integrity and reclaiming life. It’s hard work that demands time and commitment, but the rewards are nothing less than the enjoyment of a robust sexuality and having a meaningful, purposeful life that’s worth the time and comittment.